This past Father’s Day my 18 year old son told me, “I’ve always admired your walk with God.” I immediately felt like a fraud. Admittedly, there are times I walk around spiritually content but when he told me that I thought, “I can’t let him know how distant I feel from God right now.” In hindsight, I think I should have taken him aside and confided in him.
I struggle with being vulnerable like that, thinking I should have it all together. I’m a MAN! King and Priest of my household! Slayer of dragons and protector of women and children! In reality, I’m adrift, maybe a little lost at the moment and not entirely thrilled with the way things are going on a few fronts. Thankfully God’s word is full of examples of spiritual leaders who struggled, yet our Father still loved them, still worked through them and did not abandon them. He leaves the ninety nine to rescue the one and He runs toward the prodigal son as he comes crawling back. That’s true whether I feel like it or not.
When Paul was struggling with something and asked God for relief, God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you…” Sometimes I think that verse alone has saved my life and kept me sane.
In Romans, Paul says that he doesn’t understand his own struggles, he knows what he should be doing and doesn’t do it and does the things he shouldn’t. Someday I hope I get to bear hug the Apostle Paul and thank him for those words. He goes on to say that there is no condemnation for those in Christ, “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” I’m not 100% sure about the entire scope of implications that has but, as I sit here askew, it brings me peace.