Archives For Uncategorized

Adrift?

July 30, 2019 — Leave a comment

adrift

This past Father’s Day my 18 year old son told me, “I’ve always admired your walk with God.”  I immediately felt like a fraud. Admittedly, there are times I walk around spiritually content but when he told me that I thought, “I can’t let him know how distant I feel from God right now.” In hindsight, I think I should have taken him aside and confided in him. 

I struggle with being vulnerable like that, thinking I should have it all together. I’m a MAN! King and Priest of my household! Slayer of dragons and protector of women and children! In reality, I’m adrift, maybe a little lost at the moment and not entirely thrilled with the way things are going on a few fronts. Thankfully God’s word is full of examples of spiritual leaders who struggled, yet our Father still loved them, still worked through them and did not abandon them. He leaves the ninety nine to rescue the one and He runs toward the prodigal son as he comes crawling back. That’s true whether I feel like it or not.

When Paul was struggling with something and asked God for relief, God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you…” Sometimes I think that verse alone has saved my life and kept me sane.  

In Romans, Paul says that he doesn’t understand his own struggles, he knows what he should be doing and doesn’t do it and does the things he shouldn’t. Someday I hope I get to bear hug the Apostle Paul and thank him for those words. He goes on to say that there is no condemnation for those in Christ, “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” I’m not 100% sure about the entire scope of implications that has but, as I sit here askew, it brings me peace. 

 

In christian men, Uncategorized , , , , , , ,
permalink

Jesus had 12, I have 11

February 16, 2018 — 3 Comments

From the time I was 19 until I was 33 years old I was in the US Navy and surrounded primarily by men. It was no wonder that when I got saved, at about age 30, I sought out Christian men to disciple me. I didn’t know the Christian lingo back then so that really meant, “Help me to understand what just happened and what I am supposed to do now.”

Promise Keepers was in full effect back then and we went to giant conferences, had weekly meetings at church and generally chatted about Christ centered things. I was introduced to concepts like sexual purity, not partying like a rock star and not cussing like a sailor. Yay! I was also introduced to pure, unconditional love, my sins washed white as snow and the unimaginable joy of Heaven. (I choose the latter while admittedly struggling with the former.)

The influence and caring of those men was key to my early Christian walk and I am forever grateful for them. Over the last 23 years and through the course of my intermittently hot, warm and cold walk with Christ the influence of Christian men has been crucial to my survival.

Why can’t I just be an awesome Christian man without other men being all up in my business? Why does isolation from them equate to a walk down a slippery slope? I suspect it’s like Paul said in Romans 7, I want to be pure and holy, “But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me.” He goes on to say that Jesus delivers him. Based on the entirety of his comments I take that to mean that Jesus’ work has washed his sins away.

Jesus modeled this fellowship with other men in that while he had many disciples he had 12 that He primarily hung out with and they relied on one another. I’ve previously written, “In Mark 6 Jesus sends out the 12 in pairs of two. In Luke 10 Jesus sends out 72 men in pairs. The apostles often traveled in pairs and we see them relying on one another throughout the New Testament. Moses had Aaron. When David was home alone, not surrounded by other men, he didn’t do so well.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” James tells us, “…confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Proverbs is full of advice about Godly friendships including, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” 27:17, “A righteous man is cautious in friendship” 12:26, and “A friend loves at all times…”17:17.”

My answer to this comes in the form of a men’s group formed through Christian Leadership Concepts (CLC).  CLC is a nationwide, interdenominational, men’s ministry that, “…challenges men to an uncommon pursuit of Christ. We facilitate small groups of committed believers who refuse to be satisfied with the status quo and desire a deeper relationship with Christ.”

Eleven of us have committed to a 2 year journey to walk out our lives together, to dive into the scriptures and to read and discuss a collection of books we are working through. Between us I think we represent 10 or 11 different churches. We meet weekly from 6-8am on Wednesday mornings and walk through this process. During the week we call each other and participate in group texts offering mutual encouragement, prayer requests and funny things we find online. I’ve personally, and deservedly, been encouraged to refrain from late night group texting, sorry Bryan.

I got this phone call yesterday, “Jimmy my boy! I just landed in New Jersey and wanted to give you a call to see how you’re doing.”  I am being prayed for, encouraged and befriended. As I reread that it sounds a little hokey but I don’t care. I’m grateful. One guy  sometimes sets his phone alarm to pray for me three times a day! Brothers, this kind of encouragement in your life can be a game changer.

While I strongly recommend the CLC program I have been involved in other men’s groups and I think the important thing is that every Christian man is involved with a group of men. Jesus models it and the examples of this principle run throughout the Bible.

We are in a battle with an enemy who is constantly on the prowl seeking to destroy us. He knows our weaknesses and seeks to cut us from the pack like a lion isolating an injured water buffalo and ruin our lives. While we cannot be snatched from the Lord’s hand many are led away by their own desires. (I recall the vampires I saw in comic books as a child who could only come in if you let them.) We open the door to the enemy through our thoughts, what we look at, what we listen to and who we spend our time with.

Having men in your lives who know our struggles is invaluable. We call it “opening the kimono”, it ain’t pretty and it’s embarrassing. As a matter of fact, right before our group was set to kick off with a fellowship and “opening the kimono” session I called my friend, and the President of CLC, and said, “These guys aren’t ready for what I’ve got to say. I don’t want to become their project they need to fix.”  He assured me they could handle it and that my story wasn’t as unique as I might imagine. He was right. We’re men, there’s nothing new.

A couple short months into our weekly meetings we are growing closer, studying, encouraging and forming new friendships. While, on one hand, I’m still a dumpster fire of a Christian man on the other hand I have peace knowing that my righteousness is because of Jesus, I am not condemned and I am being transformed by the power of the gospel, even after being saved for over 20 years.

If your church doesn’t have a men’s group that meets regularly and deals with the real stuff you need one. If you need help joining one or putting one together let me know. It could save your life.

In christian marriage, christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, marriage, men, struggling with lust, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , ,
permalink

Dear God, Save Me From Your Followers

January 10, 2018 — Leave a comment

Gods followers.jpg

I can’t decide where I land on the funny-to-sad ratio of that bumper sticker.

Imagine if every Christian walked around totally at peace, full of joy and the trademarks of us all were faithfulness and reliability. Would there be more Christians?

It’s easy for us to look outward, “If those people would only act like Christians!” “If that TV evangelist wasn’t always asking for money.” “If only that pastor didn’t sleep with his secretary.” THEN the world would change its opinion about being Christian. Those things may be true but, that ain’t The Plan.

The Plan: Abide in the vine (Jn15:4), be transformed (2Cor3:18), let your light shine (Mt5:16) don’t worry about what others are doing, work on yourself (Lk6:42). Sounds easy, lol.

As we work on the above (a lifetime process) we will start to reflect God’s grace in our lives. As Moses spent time with the Lord his skin actually glowed, as we connect, abide and spend time with the Lord we’ll be transformed and the evidence of that will be the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22 “…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

The Bible alternately likens us to a branch or a tree or a vine; connected to Christ, getting our sustenance from Him and, like a tree, producing fruit in keeping with our source. In Matthew 7 Jesus says that Christian imitators will produce bad fruit and His disciples will produce good fruit.  That fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.

I recently asked myself the question, “Would the people that know me best attribute the fruit of the Spirit to me?”  I hate to admit that I regularly fall short on multiple fronts.  My 16 year old son probably would not tell you that I am the most patient person he’s ever met. As a matter of fact, I recently wanted to buy a shirt that said, “Can we hurry this up?” I have other issues too, really, I could go on.

This realization effected me to such a degree that I recently sat my family down and apologized to them and let them know that I was working on this.  Seriously, what good is my faith if the people that know me the best think I’m an idiot? I picture God saying, “Yeah….he’s not with Me…” or as Jesus put it in Matthew 7, “22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!”

I want my life to reflect Jesus to others.  My wife and children, who I cannot fool, should see the fruit of the Spirit in me to such a degree that they want what I got. My light should shine to the point that it leads others out of darkness. My life and my countenance should provoke the unsaved to jealously. I’ve got a long way to go but, praise God, I’m not where I started.  I encourage you to join this broken vessel as I try to be consistent about my quiet time, allow His strength to be made perfect in my weakness and pray that my life reflects the fruit of the Spirit. C’mon!

In christian marriage, christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, marriage, men, Uncategorized , , , , , , , ,
permalink

God’s Wisdom for Us

January 3, 2018 — Leave a comment

Gods wisdom

Recently I’ve been coming across the theme of God’s wisdom, made available to me day to day. Sign me up! I need all the help I can get!

1 Corinthians 2 talks about “…the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages…” and that we have access to this through the Holy Spirit.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God … and it will be given to you.”

The next verse says, “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting…” That part sounds important.

Jesus promises guidance from the Holy Spirit, John 14:26 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, …He will teach you all things…” I’d like to know all things.

2 Corinthians 2:16 says, “…we have the mind of Christ.”

Clearly God has promised us wisdom, guidance and to teach us everything we need to know.  Why do we flounder then?

The first thing we need to ask ourselves is, “Am I communicating with God?” Like every other healthy relationship, communication with our Father is a two-way exchange. The occasional foxhole prayer (like Peter’s as he was sinking, “Lord, save me!”)  is necessary but if that constitutes our prayer life we’re in trouble.

Jesus is our example and He, “…frequently withdrew to the wilderness to pray.” (Luke 5:16) He was in constant communication with the Father, as we should be. Regularly getting alone with God, making our requests known and listening is real communication and will produce the fruit of His wisdom.

I’ve recently committed to 7 minutes a day for 21 days and I admit to having challenges taking 7 minutes every day. It seems ludicrous as I reread this but I know I’m not alone in this struggle.

As we make a habit of meeting with the Lord we will hear His voice more clearly, the sheep know the shepherd’s voice because they’ve spent time with him. Jesus promises the same thing.  As I enter into 2018 I am committing to set regular time aside to pray and listen. I bet if you join me we’ll see a very different 2018.

In christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, marriage, men, Uncategorized , , , , ,
permalink

Just Fishin?

December 19, 2017 — Leave a comment

Cyan Fishing

A couple weeks ago I took my 10 year old daughter to a Tennessee Titans NFL game. I sent my buddy, Tony, a picture and he said, “She thinks you’re just fishing.”  His comment was a reference to a country song, “Just Fishin” by Trace Adkins. The song tells the story of a father taking his little girl fishing and, while she thinks they’re just “drownin’ worms and killin’ time” he appreciates that there is more at work, they are strengthening bonds and making memories.

I love my Titans but the time I spent with my little girl that day was bigger than watching Derrick Henry break off a 75 yard run to put the game out of reach. We were strengthening our relationship while sharing the majesty of a Titans win.

My father in law got me addicted to fishing and now that passion runs deep in our family. My teenage son and I often fish together. When we get out there in a stream there are no discussions about household issues, we just enjoy the experience and each other’s company. He thinks we’re just fishin’ but we’re also investing in our relationship.

My Dad and I get along great, but we had some rocky years early on and there may be old scars from that but now-a-days, we go fishin’.  We usually don’t talk much as we wade down a small river, reeling in feisty smallmouth or largemouth lunkers. We’re just fishin’ and we are content to be together. I  purposely try to appreciate the moments when we’re out there and understand that it’s more than fishing although I doubt my kids have that perspective. I’m sure my Dad does.

I’m thinking that I might be like my kids when I take the time to get into God’s presence, potentially unaware of the significance of what is going on. Maybe when I actually press in and engage God says, “He thinks he’s just praying” or “He thinks he’s just singing” but something much bigger is happening. I’m also being transformed, strengthened and renewed. Spiritual warfare is taking place and things are being overcome spiritually that can only be handled while I’m with Him. Maybe those are the times when I’m most receptive to hearing instruction or encouragement.

While I’m thinking, “I’m just going to church”, I’m actually reassuring my wife that my priorities are in order. I’m showing my children how a husband and father should act so my sons know how to lead and  my daughters know what to expect from a Godly man.

As it turns out, there is often more going on than the activity of the moment suggests. I appreciate all the other stuff that’s happening but I am also forever grateful to be “just fishin.”

In christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, men, parenting, Uncategorized , ,
permalink

You Ain’t Done

April 15, 2016 — Leave a comment

ironclad

Your life is an amazing story. If somewhere along the way a great writer had been there to capture your finest moments or most bitter failures people would be captivated by it. Somebody, probably a lot of somebodies, would relate to what you went through, how you overcame, how you fell and got back up or how you have fallen and are trying to get back up right now.  You might not always appreciate it, you may not always feel like it, but you are awesome and what you do every day means something.

The greatest heroes of scripture were severely flawed yet went on to inspire and help change the lives of untold millions. In many cases it is their accomplishments despite their flaws that inspires us today. None of them, while in the midst of their challenges, had an idea of the impact they would have on so many people to come after them. Peter, a rough and tumble fisherman with a propensity for rash behavior. David, a shepherd, warrior and king exhibited the best and worst in all of us. Abraham, at times full of fear yet the father of our faith. All like us.

Their story is written yet the ripple effect continues on. As they lived their lives a great author documented their successes, their failures, the falling down and the getting up. That same great author documents our lives and our stories will be told for eternity. We battle in an arena as a great cloud of witnesses looks on, cheering our victories, sharing our defeats and anxiously awaiting our next move. We are clothed in armor and tested by the enemy. What we see as daily life, temptation, leading our families, sharing God’s love, extending forgiveness, receiving His grace when we fail, are seen as great victories from the heavens. Your story, YOU and what you do, is documented and will be revisited.

Maybe today there will be a pivotal moment that changes the course of yours, or someone else’s, life.  Maybe your mission in life is to lead your family and model for your children what it looks like to be a Christian man, full of flaws and imperfections but NOT GIVING UP. Maybe the most important thing you ever do will be to break a generational curse that has been in your family for years, abuse, neglect or an attitude of anger. Maybe you are the first man in your family to take his walk with the Lord seriously. Your daily actions will impact generations to come.

We, you and I, are Kings & Priests. We have the power to encourage one another, to lift one another up through prayer, a word of encouragement or just pitching in, getting our hands dirty and helping someone out.  That very act, by a faithful servant, was the catalyst that brought me back from the edge. (Thank you Mike.) We do not know the powerful impact our actions may have that may help change someone’s life forever, maybe change their family for generations to come.

Recently a friend from the Navy I hadn’t seen in 25 years stopped in for an overnight visit. He told me that if it wasn’t for my guidance and leadership back then he would not be where he is today. Despite me being a young chucklehead, what I invested into him, seemingly inconsequential at the time, would produce long term results. I am humbled. (Thank you Chris.)

My life is full of men who invested in me, my Dad, Tim Siddle, Jack Himschoot, Mike Leonard, Sherman Hare, Jamie Stilson and many more including my younger brother, Shannon. None of these men waited until they had their act together to invest in or encourage me. At the time, they had no idea that years later I would mention them in these terms. In the course of their everyday lives they chose to invest in or encourage me despite the “Prone to wander” tattoo I should have across my forehead.  Those men share in the legacy that, through God, I am creating in my family; the same way that I share in my friend Chris’ legacy that he is creating in his family.

Jesus is our example, He did something amazing for us before we knew Him. If we will let His love shine through us, by the way we live our lives, the words we say and the things we do, our ripple effect can go on for generations in our families, and others, for His glory. Please join me and ask God for the eyes to see and ears to hear where He needs us and then take action. Lend a hand, get involved, go out of your way to encourage someone, invite someone to church. The little things we do can have long term impact.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

In christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, Uncategorized , , , , , ,
permalink

Lay Down My Life?

April 13, 2015 — Leave a comment

man vs lion

Gun to your head, would you take this bullet so that your child would live? What man would say no to that? Given that extreme scenario we all think we would lay down our lives for our children. Thankfully, the chances are strong you never have to make that sacrifice.

How about this one, can you get home from work and go outside to play with your kids? Can you write a hand written letter to your adult children telling them you are proud of them?  Can you get your butt off the couch and go fishing with your 13 year old son? Maybe you don’t need to watch 5 hours of the 2015 Masters Tournament.

OUCH!

I’m not busting your chops, I know you work hard and need your down time. As a matter of fact, each of these examples are from my life and are specific examples of my own shortcomings. I work 6 days every week, leave the house about 6am and get home about 6:15pm. On Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings we go to church. Every other week I devote about 9 hours to preaching at an assisted living community. Who has time? When I’m off work I want to relax!

Guess what, my kids don’t care about that. They would rather have a Dad who plays with them. Who is raising our kids if we’re not investing significant time into their lives? I just read a biography that a son wrote about his dad, he said, “My dad invented quality time.” The conviction set in, my children would not say the same thing.

You’re not going to believe this but guess who else needs my time? My wife. Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…” Note the words, “…gave Himself for her…” I suspect that means we have to give ourselves to our wives, our time, out attention, our energies, our very lives. Not in the dramatic way that one might lay down his life to save a woman from an escaped lion but in the mundane way that one might give up 3 hours of the NFL to go shopping with one’s wife.

Fortunately Ephesians goes on to say why we should give ourselves up for our wives, “So that she may be awesome.” “So that she may be everything you want her to be.” I’m paraphrasing but that’s what it says. Read it.

“Yeah but it also says that she should submit to us! RESPECT us!” Yes, it does say that, however, the model that Jesus laid out for us is that He did His part first. He fully committed to His part and His bride is coming along slowly. Jesus also tells us in Luke 6:42 that we should fully deal with our own shortcomings before we worry about someone else’s. We are to lead the way, by example.

I know it can be hard to put aside what we want, what we feel we have earned, and put someone else’s needs before our own. I am not good at it but I recognize that God is calling me to maturity. We are called to be more like Jesus and He gave sacrificially, out of love, willingly. It can hurt to sacrifice like that but the rewards are far greater than the sacrifice.

In christian marriage, christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, marriage, men, Uncategorized ,
permalink

A Wandering Eye

October 25, 2014 — 2 Comments

??????

Right after I got saved, a gentleman in his mid-seventies helped me put my wandering eye into perspective. I asked him, “How old do you have to be before a beautiful woman no longer catches your eye?” He said, “You’ll have to ask somebody older than me.”

I have to admit that his response was not a comfort to me. “So you’re saying that this could go on for a while?”  Apparently God made men to appreciate a well put together woman.  Well then, why did Jesus say, “… anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus understands how our minds work.  In James chapter 1 we see that, “…each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.”  The key point here is, “carried away by his own lust.” If we see a woman and then take a moment or two to ponder & further appreciate the details of her specific structure, perhaps considering the possibilities, we have moved into sin.

Alternatively, if we “…take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ”  (2Cor10:5), right up front, immediately, we can avoid this.  I am not claiming this is easy, especially as we are initially training ourselves, perhaps even after years of training. It is, however, vital.

We have plenty of opportunities to either accept or reject thoughts that are presented to us. The battleground is in the mind, the weapons are spiritual and the enemy is not our flesh but satan and his host of chuckleheads.

There is no shortage of Christian men who have indulged in their fantasies and those fantasies have led to their destruction.  Make no mistake, the place to handle this issue is immediately, as the thought springs up. Ending up in bed with someone you shouldn’t be with isn’t the result of a bad decision, it is the result of many bad decisions. Those decisions started as a thought, pondered on, entertained, mulled over, revisited and finally acted on.

Consider King David, he was already on a slippery slope when he gazed upon a bathing Bathsheba. David was home when he should have been out with his men, he had multiple wives in direct violation of God’s law and he had concubines . At this point in his life David was obviously given to self-indulgence.  Bathsheba wasn’t his ruin, all the other things he had allowed in his life up to that point led to his ruin. When he considered Bathsheba he had already established a pattern of indulgence in his life. Bathsheba was the natural progression.

I’ve heard it said, “Men either struggle with lust or lie about struggling with lust.” I don’t know if that’s true but I know that every man I have spoken to about the subject has had challenges. Here’s the good news, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” “All things are possible with God” “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds” (2Cor10:4), “…we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us…”(Rom8:37) and “God stands over His word to perform it.” (Jer1:12). How about this, ““My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2Cor12:9).  Those are some promises from God that we should continually speak over our lives.

Here are just a few practical things we can do to keep our walk where it needs to be.

  1. Immerse ourselves in His word. Our minds need to be cleansed, renewed, continually. Romans 12:2 says, “…do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. Our mind is renewed by the word of God. Attending church is a given. Additionally, use your commute to and/or from work to listen to teaching CD’s. I PROMISE you it will make a difference in your life.
  2. Keep a short account with God. Our first inclination may not be to run to God when we sin but it should be. “What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” God already knows, you might as well get before Him and make it right and move forward. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1John1:9). God is not sick and tired of hearing you repent even though you may be sick and tired of having to repent. Your previous sin is as far from you as the east is from the west if you brought it to Him. It doesn’t accumulate, it is GONE. He made provision for your sin and He said, “My grace is sufficient for you and my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Jesus took that sin on Himself and nailed it to a cross. DONE.
  3. Get in relationship with another man, or men, and support one another. You are not alone in your temptations or your propensities. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man…” (1Cor10:13) Satan wants you to feel alone and offers the stinking wet blanket of Shame to put on. Shame is a cheap imitation of Godly conviction that brings us to repentance and then goes away.

Build a strong relationship with another Godly man and “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (Jam1:16) BAM! Get ahold of that! How about this, “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.” And, “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecc4) I could go on, “As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.” (Pro27:17)

God has given us an amazing gift, woman. He has told us how to appreciate her (Eph5:25), He made us to connect in so many wonderful ways, He has given us a license to do so and He commands that we do it within the bounds of marriage. Jesus Himself was tempted in every way that we are and fully understands our temptations. He took our sins upon Him and through Him we have strength to overcome as well as His grace and forgiveness when we fail. Don’t let satan kick your ass. He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. Paul said, “…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phi3:13,14). “Forgetting what is behind…” means getting up after you fall down, recommit and “straining toward what is ahead…” PRESS ON BROTHERS! Can I get an “Amen!”?

In christian men, church, encouraging men, good news for men, men, struggling with lust, Uncategorized , , , , , , ,
permalink

Does God Need You?

Recently I was wondering if God needs me. It seems silly now that I am putting it into words. He is GOD, He can make anything happen that He wants to happen and, me, I can’t get through the day without breaking something.

As I was pondering the issue my head was flooded with images of my wife and kids. I want them to know what a loving father is. I want them to see how a man should treat his wife and lead his family so it might be natural behavior for them later. I hope I can model how a man should walk with the Lord in his daily life.  God can use me to do all of those things but it is impossible for me to do it without Him.

God uses people to accomplish His mission. Obviously the same creator that made the “heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them” could raise our children without us but that is not His way. His plan is that we are involved, we raise our children with purpose and under His instruction. Even if our children do not live under our roofs we have the same responsibility.

God could also bypass us and use some other means of calling our friends and co-workers into the kingdom. Amazingly, His plan involves us walking out our Christian lives in front of them, loving them and sharing our faith with them. His end of the deal is that He will prepare their hearts to receive the message. Even as we ourselves are learning to deal with the issues of our own flesh, He wants to use us to bring the His message of love to others.

Consider the people in your life, your family and the people you see regularly. These people make up your “oikos”. Oikos is an ancient Greek word that generally means “household”. Wikipedia says the modern application means people that regularly, “…share some sort of social interaction, be it through conversation or simple relation…”

These are the people who are potentially within our sphere of influence. God doesn’t need us to reach our oikos but He has called us to and we are each uniquely placed and gifted to have an impact within that group.

If each one of us would begin to pray for people in our oikos God will create opportunities for us to share our faith with them or maybe just invite them to church. If those people know you are a Christian, they are already watching you. They are wondering what is up with you and most of them have no idea exactly what you believe and why you believe it.  There are people you already know that are curious about your faith but probably would never ask you about it.

I have invited people to church and many have not come, some have. Most of the people I have shared my faith with didn’t immediately come to Christ, a few eventually did. Recently a former coworker sent me an email thanking me for telling him about Jesus almost 20 years ago. It didn’t immediately stick but it was a seed that grew. I know I need to do a better job of telling people about God’s amazing grace, inviting people to come to church and being more faithful with the opportunities I’m given. God doesn’t need me to do that but I feel the need to express my love for Him in that way. Ironically, I can’t even show my love for Him without His help. I need Him.

In christian men, church, Divorce, encouraging men, good news for men, men, Uncategorized , , ,
permalink 2 Comments

Divorced and Christian.

Divorce hurts. Almost everyone reading this has been affected by divorce.  You know the pain, it fades but can leave a raw nerve that heals slowly. Although God hates divorce He loves people and He is in the healing business.

The church is not immune from divorce. About 50% of 1st marriages in the US end in divorce but Focus on the Family reports that couples who “…generally take their faith seriously…”, (that means work at it) have about a 38% divorce rate.  I have seen figures that say the divorce rate is the same or higher inside the church as outside but there is a difference between people who call themselves Christians and people who take their faith seriously. (Read the article)

My parents divorced after 18 years and I went through divorce myself after 9 years of marriage. I have since remarried, am working on my 19th year of marriage and incredibly blessed with a great wife who I have 4 children with. However, the years I lost with my first two sons are gone. While our relationship today is very good we went through some difficult times as I struggled with my responsibilities to my sons vs my responsibilities to my new, growing family.

I know the pain of seeing my sons under another man’s care. Seeing my sons living in a situation that I didn’t approve of broke my heart. Hearing about them being spanked by their mother’s boyfriend enraged me. Listening to them call me out on my own poor decisions was humbling, convicting and heart breaking.

Many of you know what it is like to have your young children living under a roof besides your own. You know the difficulty trying to parent children who live under two sets of rules. You live with the split time on holidays and the animosity as you or her explore new relationships. The lingering hurt feelings often make it difficult to sort out issues that seem like they should be more easily managed. Divorce sucks and, like other scenarios, we seldom see the end results in the beginning of the process.

We all make mistakes in our lives but it is the mistakes that hurt other people, especially our kids, which hurt the worst. The good news is that God’s mercies are new every day and every moment of our lives is a new chance to start over. I love the saying, “When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”  The moment we turn to God asking for help, the process of healing and restoration starts. The visible results of that process, especially in other people, often take longer than we think they should.

I have a friend who continuously wishes his ex-wife would act more reasonably. His sentiments are no doubt shared by most men and women in similar situations. My feedback to him is always the same, “Stop worrying about her, focus on what you need to do.” Taking care of what we need to do, pressing into God, deepening that relationship, leading by example and “taking care of the plank in our own eye before worrying about the speck” in someone else’s is the only way we can move forward.

Regardless of our current circumstances, as we commit to developing our relationship with God, we can live out a model for our children to emulate. If, by our actions, we can show them a life worth living maybe they don’t have to make some of the same mistakes we made. I don’t want my children to be spared the challenges that result in growth but I pray that each of them avoids the pain of divorce.  I am committed to living for Him and showing my children the beauty of a life and a marriage that is Christ centered. Please God, help me walk that out.

In christian men, church, Divorce, encouraging men, good news for men, men, Uncategorized , , , , , ,
permalink Leave a comment