“Well I’d love to get to sleep but I can’t get too deep
Though I am doing the best that I can.
My mind likes to talk about everything I am not
And even worse, everything I am.”
The Night, Morgan Wade
Failure is a part of life, but what about the disastrous one that we bring on ourselves? The one brought on by our lack of discipline, moral fortitude or courage. How do we come back from that? What about people we’ve hurt?
From Moses to King David to Tiger Woods we see people who have had life altering failures and somehow came back. No doubt, accompanied by the voice in their head telling them they couldn’t do it and didn’t deserve to thrive again.
Maybe you’ve had personal failures, public or private. I’ve had both. I’ve hurt people I love and, while there might be reconciliation down the road, it doesn’t seem so at the moment. The consequences are dire. Often, there’s a struggle between, “I need to get up and move forward” and, “I don’t deserve to move forward.”
When I consider the Bible for answers I am encouraged. I feel like I should be doing some form of penance and I have felt like I don’t deserve to be happy. However, I don’t see where God says that. I see where the repentant sinner is not forsaken and that forgiveness is absolute and complete. Sin is washed away like it never happened. It doesn’t seem fair and it doesn’t make sense to me but there it is. Either His sacrifice was enough to wash away all the sins of the world away or it wasn’t.
Recently I heard someone say, “I might not be the kind of Christian you want me to be.” That spoke to me. It spoke to me because I’ve cried out to God many times, asked for forgiveness, self discipline, strength and relief. I’m working on walking the walk and I still seem to suck at it. In the midst of it I hear that my efforts are insufficient. I’ve given up many times. I hear the accuser’s words in my sleep and when I’m awake. I need new voices in my head.
One thing that is helping me immensely is listening to a 30 minute sermon every morning. That’s a new voice and it’s helping breathe life into me. Praying on the way to work is helpful. Being thankful has been crucial, so is investing in others. Focusing on the people who love me and trying to love them better is high on my priority list. I’m incredibly grateful for those people. I’m grateful for my job, for my health (though suffering) and for the opportunities I’ve been given. I’m grateful for people who have stuck by me, not condoning my failings but loving me anyway. That is so important I want to say it again, not condoning my failings but loving me anyway. Is that even possible? Apparently it is.
God still has a plan for those of us who have failed. Newsflash, we’ve all fallen short, and we’re probably not done. There are scriptures about comparing one sin to the other. Whose is worse? Moses murdered a man and later became a great hero of the faith. Murdered a man. Paul (then Saul) violently persecuted Christians “with great zeal” before encountering Christ. Even after that he said, “For the good that I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.” Standing right next to Jesus, Peter swung his sword and cut off a man’s ear. He was a fisherman, not a swordsman, I think that’s attempted murder. David is nearly as famous for his adultery as killing Goliath. Abraham, the father of the faith, slept with his maid and made a baby. God was not done with these flawed men and he is not done with any of us.
So, what’s the plan, the path? Confess and repent. Admit it and quit it. The admitting seems easier, in my experience. What if I fail again? Admit it and quit it, same, same. That’s crazy, how many times will I be forgiven? An infinite amount if your heart is in it. Otherwise, Jesus’ work on the cross was insufficient.
I used to wonder what “He is worthy” meant. I thought it was a thing religious people said and it was beyond me. What it means to me today is that He is enough, His sacrifice was enough. Was it enough for 100 of my sins? 200? What about the serious stuff like adultery or murder? What about the 10 Commandments? He is worthy. His blood washes away our sins and the sins of the world. That’s what 1John 2 says.
Taking those Biblical truths and applying them to my life is where the rubber meets the road. I struggle with it and some days it seems I’ve lost the peace He gave me. I don’t know where my personal responsibility and His promise not to give me more than I can bear, converge. I know He’s for me and not against me. He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I’m not sure how often I’ve felt that way. I’m flawed and I have a hard time reconciling those things. My prayer is, “I believe; help my unbelief.”
Today, I’m regularly praying for the healing of those I have hurt. I tell them I love them and I try to show it. Apparently, I’m not great at this. Some respond, some don’t. I am grateful for those that do and I still love those that don’t. I’m trying to walk the walk and be actively grateful for every day, every moment and every person. I lean heavily on 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Thank you Lord.
Encouragement4Men 